


Give Me Hope in the Darkness That I Will See the Light

by wetbellamyblake



Category: The White Queen (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2014-02-12
Packaged: 2018-01-05 04:34:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wetbellamyblake/pseuds/wetbellamyblake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m not your grace anymore.”, she whispered.<br/>“It’s a notification that I’m divorced. From now on I’m Lady Anne Neville.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I have some things to say before you're going to read this:  
> 1\. Don't hate me!  
> 2\. Richard/Anne/Elizabeth and probably every character will be a little bit out of character here but it was the only way to make this work.  
> 3\. I hate myself for posting this.

Chapter 1

_Bisham Abbey - January 1486_

The sun was flattering Anne’s skin as she enjoyed the last sunrays this winter was providing. After all these months, today was one of these day where Anne felt that she could manage it, that she would be alright despite everything that was about to come.

She knew that Richard was still mad about her decision but Anne was sure that sooner or later he would accept it and, more significantly, understand why she left. Anne felt her mood tarnish at the memory of how Richard almost lost his temper after she told him that she was to leave him, giving him space to find a new Queen.

Anne didn’t want to relive those memories again but she found her mind not willing to let them go. For what it seemed a hundred times she closed her eyes and found herself in her chambers in London.

_As Richard entered Anne’s chambers he found her giving orders on which dresses to put in the travelling boxes. She noticed Richard at the side of her eyes and turned her head to look at him._

_“Richard.”, she muttered and walked to where her husband was standing. Anne could read his in face the question but waited for him to ask._

_“Are you planning to travel?”, he finally asked and Anne sighted. With a gesture of her hand she dismissed her ladies and waited until she found herself alone with Richard._

_“I will go to a convent.”, she explained and tried to sound doubtless. She knew that Richard would try to talk it out of her and if she wouldn’t repeat in her mind that it was only for his best she feared, that he would be successful with it._

_“You will certainly not.”, he simply said and went to the boxes and started to place her clothes back on the bed._

_Another sight escaped Anne’s lips while she followed him and laid her hand on his arm.  
“Richard, please. You need to let me go.”, she replied, her voice almost pleading._

_Richard stopped his actions to look at her. Anne saw the shadows hovering over his eyes and it was clear that this was not going to be easy. She never thought it would be._

_“I won’t let you go. Not now, not today neither tomorrow nor any other day in the future. You’re my wife.”, he said and continued to take her clothes off the box._

_“We both now that you need to divorce me. You need to marry again and have an heir.”, Anne replied and hoped that her voice didn’t give away how disgusted she felt at her own words._

_“I will not divorce you!”, Richard shouted and threw the dress he’d hold in his hands at the bed. Anne took a step back and looked down.  
“How many times do we have to discuss this? How many times do I have to tell you that I love you and that I don’t need an heir?”, his voice loud in Anne’s ears._

_“You have to, Richard.”, she whispered and looked up as Richard grabbed her arms a little to hard. She wasn’t scared, no. She knew that Richard would never hurt her, that his forcing grip was only a sign of his misery. Anne realized that Richard was searching his mind for another way to claim her here. She knew he could make her obey but she was also certain that he would never do something like this._

_“If you go, I have to marry Elizabeth.”, he calmly said, sure that it would made Anne change her mind. Anne freed herself out of his grip and looked at him in disapprove. Surely there would be another woman who would fit to be his new Queen. Deep down she felt the jealousy claiming her feelings and the images of Richard and Elizabeth walking through the gardens some months ago only fortified that feeling._

_For one second she thought of giving in, of throwing her plans away. Plans she made out of her duty as Richard's wife, as Queen and out of love. When she looked back at Richard she saw hope in his eyes. He probably knew that he’d found a wound spot but his hope also remembered her why she needed to do this._

_“If she’s your Queen of choice then I will have to accept it.”, Anne calmly said, looking straight into his eyes which reflected his breaking heart._

_Anne looked down, not being able to watch him in pain any further. She closed her eyes and reminded herself over and over again that it was for the best. That one day he would understand why she was doing this and hopefully one day he would be thankful._

_She winced as she heard the door being shut and when she opened her eyes she found herself alone in the room._

Anne brushed her hand softly over her wet cheeks as she opened her eyes. She didn’t realize that she was crying but it didn’t surprise her. The tears were her constant companion since the miserably last time she’d seen her husband. A part of her was thankful that he didn’t come when she departed but another part hoped to see him one last time.

“Don’t despair, child. The pain will ease one day.”

Anne looked around the bank she was sitting on and saw the Abbess Mother standing behind it with an encouraging smile on her face.

“I know.”, Anne answered with a low voice and nodded slowly. Of course she knew that one day she would be able not to feel this pain anymore but look back and be proud of the right thing she’d done.

The Abbess Mother sat next to her and took Anne’s hands in hers, squeezing them gently.  
“There are some visitors. Maybe you would like to join them and bring your mind on other topics.”, she advised with a smile. Anne answered the smile and nodded.  
“I would like that very much.”, she added and got up before making her way to the Abbey with the Abbess Mother.

Later that day Anne was sitting by her fireplace. The idea to join the visitors has revealed to be not a really good one for they also talked about the newest gossip in court and she surely wasn’t ready to hear any of them.

She tried to close her ears whenever someone mentioned the King but found herself listening to the gossip even more. What Anne had heard didn’t surprise her but she couldn’t deny that it make her feel the pain even more. The image of Richard and Elizabeth together hurt her, despite everything she tried to tell herself. The only solace she found in the new were that she was sure Elizabeth would be able to provide him with one or even more heirs. A duty Anne had failed in and was one of the main reasons to leave her life behind.

Slowly Anne stood up and made her way over to her prie-deu where she knelt down and took the rosary in her hands before starting to pray. She prayed for strength and for forgiveness. Strength to make it through the next coming months and forgiveness for her sins. She declared that every choice she’d made lately were choices out of love. God knew she loved Richard and would never do something that would harm him. She prayed for her father’s forgiveness, who visited her dreams regularly since she’d departed from London.

The dream with her father was always the same. Telling her that she was a disappointment for giving up, for leaving Richard and for giving away the crown. In her dreams Anne always asked her father if he knew what love is but she never got an answer. 

She prayed to God for love because it was all she could think of. She went through this pain for love and even if she knew that there would be nothing of this feeling for her she hoped that it was worth it. 

Anne’s gaze fell on her wedding band, which was still around her finger.  
She looked around as first a knock was to hear and then the door was opened.  
A nun brought came in an handed her a letter which she took and opened.

“Is everything alright, your grace?”, the nun asked as she saw Anne’s concerned face.

“I’m not your grace anymore.”, she whispered and looked at the nun.

“It’s a notification that I’m divorced. From now on I’m Lady Anne Neville.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for everyone that left kudos and comments :)  
> They really made me happy and encouraged me to write one :)

Chapter 2

_London, March 1488_

Richard tried to grab the wine bottle that was in front of him on the table but he couldn’t get his fingers to reach it. 

Francis watched with a worried face as his old friend and King tried to drink until he would end up falling asleep on his desk. For the past months, since Richard realized that Anne truly was gone, it was Francis who would heave the king over to his chambers and into his bed.

The next morning Richard felt the headache even before he was awake. The painful throbbing in his head was followed by the realization that he was in his bed and not in Anne’s. Lying in his bed meant that he was alone and slowly his mind progressed  
brought back all the facts he tried so hard to forget. Anne was gone. She left him alone and all that was left was this misery.

He groaned lightly as he tried to open his eyelids. The sun blending him and causing his head to ache even more. 

“Here, eat this.”, he heard a male voice say and it took Richard some time to realize that it was the voice of his dear friend, Francis.

He tried to remember what he did last night but the last thing that came to his mind was the empty bottles of wine before him on the table. It didn’t take much to realize that would have been Francis, again, who brought him to his chambers.

He felt ashamed for drinking too much, again. No matter how many times it had happened before, the feeling of this shame was hunting Richard every time and with each time it got worse.

After several attempts Richard finally managed to open his eyes fully and to sit up in his bed.

Francis was standing besides of him, holding out a dish.

“What is that?”, Richard asked even though he already new the answer.

“The same as the last days.”, Francis replied and watched as Richard reluctantly took the dish and started to eat the plate that should make him feel better.

Later Richard found himself at his desk as Francis entered his the room.  
“Elizabeth wants to talk to you to discuss the upcoming wedding.”, Francis said as he stood in front of Richard.

“Tell her that she can do whatever pleases her.”, Richard answered without looking up from the letters lying in front of him.

“For a man who is about to marry out of love you don’t seem very enthusiastic.”

Richard finally looked up from his letters and looked at Francis.  
“You know, probably better than myself, that I do not marry her out of love.”, he said and Francis smiled lightly.

“Why are you marrying her then?”, he asked and crossed his arms behind his back.

Richard sighted and stood up. As he walked to his window Francis turned on the spot to follow Richard with his gaze.

“Why not? She’s english, the folk loves her and I’m sure she will be a good queen.”, Richard answered as he looked out the window.

Francis remained silent for some moments, thinking if it would be wise mentioning her.

“And I guess another point is that it would hurt Anne.”, he murmured and straightened himself as Richard turned around to face him, his eyes dark now.

“She left me. I can’t find a reason why I should spend one thought of her while planning to wed.”, Richard replied, his voice low.

“Because she’s the only thing you’ve been thinking of, Dickon.”, Francis said with a sight and went over to him, placing his hand on his shoulders as he stood in front of him.

“Why did you let her go, Dickon?”, he then asked.

Richard looked at him and for a moment Francis could see the hurt in his eyes. For a moment Richard’s eyes were an open book to him and he could read how much he missed Anne and how deep her leaving had hurt him.

“It was her choice.”, Richard only replied and Francis took his hand away from the other one’s shoulder.

“You could have made her stay.”, Francis murmured and Richard turned around to look out of the window again.

“You know that I could never force her to something.”, Richard said and turned around to leave.

“Where is Elizabeth?”, he asked as he stood before the closed door.

“In her chambers, I guess.”, Francis answered and looked as Richard left the room.

_Bisham Abbey, May 1488_

Anne was outside, enjoying the warm weather this spring was giving them. She smiled as she saw Mary running around the gardens of the abbey. The young woman had captured her heart in an instant as she arrived at the abbey some weeks ago. Anne found her carefree thinking refreshing and she envied her secretly for it.

After it seemed that Mary was out of breath she let herself fall next to Anne on the blanket they’d spread over the grass. 

“You should run around a little bit, my dearest Anne. It would help you to free your mind from whatever man it’s clamming it right now.”, she smiled and Anne laughed and shook her head.

“I’m not thinking of men.”, she answered laughing and looked up as she noticed a nun coming their way.

When she was standing in front of them she handed out a letter.  
“A letter for you, my lady.”, she said and Anne took the letter before the nun left again.

“Oh someone’s writing to you. How exciting.”, Mary smiled and rolled over to lay on her stomach while Anne opened the letter and started to read.

Mary noticed Anne’s lineaments change as she kept on reading. Going to her knees she slowly asked: “Anne, is everything alright?”

Anne found it hard to breath as she looked at the words before her. Just when she thought she would be able to live with it she found herself punched back, realizing that she was still far away from it.

With tears in her eyes she finally managed to look at Mary.  
“It’s a letter from Richard.”, she whispered and her heart ached at the sound of his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was harder to write than I thought...  
> About Francis: I see Francis as a good friend for Richard and in my eyes he would probably be the only one who would have the guts to talk to Richard without shutting his mouth ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments :)  
> You make me happy :D
> 
> I hope you like the chapter ;)

Chapter 3

Anne felt restless. She walked up and down in her private rooms, Richard’s letter still in her hand. Every once in a while she would stop and read it again only to let out a frustrated sight before continuing her walk through the chamber.

She didn’t know what shocked her more. The fact that he did write to her or the boldness of his words in it. 

After reading the lines once more she shook her head. This wasn’t the Richard she knew. She doubted that he would ever write such a letter and yet she knew that it was his handwriting.

Anne looked up as she heard a knock at her door.

“Come in.”, she said and waited until Mary’s face was revealed. 

The younger woman smiled at her and closed the door after she entered the room.

“How are you, Anne?”, she asked and stood with a secure distance between them.  
She knew that Anne felt furious and shocked over the letter that had arrived earlier and she didn’t want to pressure her to talk about it.

“Restless.”, Anne answered truthfully and let herself fall into one of the chairs.

Mary slowly walked over to Anne and took the seat next to her. She carefully touched her shoulder and looked at the letter in Anne’s hands.

“Did the letter bring you bad news, my dear friend?”, Mary asked and Anne shrugged her shoulders. 

“I don’t know if this is good or bad. I don’t even know what to think of it.”, Anne replied and handed the letter to Mary, who looked at her with restraint in her eyes but took the letter with a smile, thanking Anne in silence for her trust.

She opened the small piece of parchment and started to read the written lines.

_My dearest Anne,_   
_I write to you in this warm night of May and hope that you are well and that you may forgive me my boldness for writing you the following words._   
_I am not able to contain myself any longer, your absence is clear in every breath I take and I never missed someone more than on this day, where I took Elizabeth as my second wife. Never have I felt so alone and so needed by your presence in my life. I know you made your choice to leave me but I wish that this might not be the last words exchanged by the two of us. I would gladly seek your advise in the future and hope that you will grant them. I will await your letter and wish you well._   
_Your devoted cousin,_   
_Richard, King of England_

Mary looked at Anne after she finished the letter, handing it back to her.

“Well, that’s...soothing, I would say.”, she commented and Anne stood before her.

“Soothing? How dare he? How can he write to me and ask me for my thinking after all he has done. If he needs advise he should ask his wife, not me. I’m sure her use does not only involve into giving him heirs.”, Anne said, her voice showing how outraged she was.

“Well, I don’t think that she will give him heirs anytime soon.”, Mary said and looked at her friend with a light smile on her lips.

Anne looked at her doubtful while she sat down on the chair again.

“What do you mean?”, she asked and Mary sighted before pointing at the letter in Anne’s hand. 

“Anne, I don’t know how it works at court but as far as I know if you marry you have other things to do at that night instead of writing to your...former wife.”, she explained and left Anne speechless.

_Bisham Abbey, July 1488_

Anne was walking through gardens and searching for a place in the shadows. The heat was almost unbearable and she longed for a little rest. 

After she found a fresh spot under a tree she slowly sat down on the grass and closed her eyes, her head resting against the trunk and enjoying the silence around her.

When she opened her eyes again she took out Richard’s letter, which she always carried with her. She unfolded the parchment and started to read the lines again.

She hadn’t written back to Richard yet and she was still uncertain if she ever would. It would be a lie if she would say that, what Mary said, hadn’t affected her. She felt her heart filled with love and affection at the thought that Richard might not have bedded Elizabeth. Anne thought back at her own wedding night with Richard and it filled her with pride that Elizabeth was not granted such a wonderful thing. 

At the same time the thought didn’t fill Anne with joy and pride but also with worry. If Elizabeth wouldn’t give Richard heirs, then it would mean that everything Anne did, and everything they went through, it would be for nothing.

“My lady, I’m sorry to disturb you but you’ve got a visitor.”, Anne heard a female voice and looked up, folding the letter back together before looking up and facing a smiling nun.

“A visitor?”, she asked questionably.  
Anne thought who it could be since she didn’t get any visits and she clearly didn’t felt the need to see someone.

“Yes, my lady. He’s awaiting you in your rooms.”, the nun said and Anne stood up, brushing over her dress before following the nun back into the abbey.

While Anne walked back to her chambers she still thought who could visit her. The nun had said that it was a man and for a moment Anne worried and hoped at the same time that it would be Richard.

Anne smiled a bright smile as she saw Francis standing in her room. With quick steps she crossed the room to stand in front of him.

“Francis!”, she greeted him, realized just now how much she’d missed her old friend.

Francis smiled at Anne at bowed at her.  
“Your grace.”, he said and Anne shook her head.

“You know I’m not your grace anymore. You shall call me Anne by now.”, she replied and Francis took her hand to place a light kiss on it.

“You will always be a Queen for me, Anne, no matter what.”, he said and Anne only smiled at him, gesturing that he should take a seat before she sat down next to him in the other chair.

“It’s a pleasure to see you. I never thought I would see you ever again, Francis.  
What brings you here?”, Anne asked and Francis laughed.

“I wanted to visit you and to see how you are. Allow me to tell you that it pleases me to see that you seem well.”, he explained and Anne nodded.

“Well, I’m doing my best. Life goes on, doesn’t it?”, she said and her smile slowly faded away. She knew that Francis would know how she really felt, she never was good at hiding her true feelings from him.

“Seem like I would speak with Richard right now and not with you.”, he murmured and stood up.

“Do you like some wine?”, he asked before pouring himself some in a glass and also some for Anne after she nodded.

“Are you here to talk about Richard?”, Anne asked after Francis had handed her the cup with wine.

Francis laughed at the question and sat down beside her again.  
With a shock of his head he took a sip of the wine before bringing his gaze back to her.

“No, I’m here to talk some sense into you.”, he answered and grinned.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to all who left kudos and comments!!! I can't thank you enough :)  
> I wish you all a wonderful, happy new year and may all your wishes come true in the following 12 months :D
> 
> When you're reaching the end of this chapter, keep in mind that I am a Richard/Anne shipper and do not try to kill me :)

Anne looked at her friend with an uncomprehending gaze. For sure she misunderstood what he’d just said.

“You...you want to talk some sense into...me?”, she repeated him questioningly and then laughed.  
“I’m at a perfect sense, my dear friend.”, Anne added and took another sip of her wine.

Francis laughed at that.  
“You think you are, but I guess that this time you’re wrong. I know this time you made a mistake, Anne.”, he repeated and his voice went low at the end of his sentence. A shudder went through his body as he thought of what all had occurred in these past months that she was gone.

“I made a mistake?”, Anne asked and shook her head. “And what mistake might that be?”

“You shouldn’t have left, Anne! Not him, not at all. I don’t know who he is anymore since you’re gone.”, Francis explained and sighted as he saw Anne stood up in anger.

“Don’t you dare, Francis! You know why I needed to do this and you know exactly for whom I did it!”, Anne said, her voice getting louder while she walked towards the open window, looking outside.

Francis stood and walked over to where Anne was standing.  
“He’s miserable, Anne. He’s lost. I don’t know how to help him anymore.”, he said to her, almost pleadingly.

“And you think I can help him?”, Anne questioned and shook her head.  
“How do you think this should work? I stand beside the bed and hold his hand while he lies with her?”, she asked, her voice bitter now and a shiver went through her body as images of Richard and Elizabeth together appeared in her mind.

Francis remained silent for a moment before resting his hand on her shoulder.

“You know that he’s not bedding her, Anne. He can’t.” he replied, his voice low now.  
“Write to him, answer his letter and I’m sure it will help him to know that you still have a thought for him.”, Francis added and he felt pity as Anne looked at him again, tears in her eyes.

“And who will help me, Francis? I needed to get away from him, so I could deal with it easier. Do you really think it was easy for me to go and leave him?”, she whispered, tears running down her cheeks.

“No, I know it was everything but easy for you but you’re the stronger one, Anne! You’ve always been and I know that you can do this.”, he said, his voice reassuring as he hold out an envelope to her.

Anne looked at the letter in his hands. She didn’t even need to ask to know that it was another letter from Richard.

“He knows you’re here.”, she whispered, still looking at the letter.

Francis nodded slowly, “Yes”.

He smiled lightly as Anne took the letter from him. He turned around and walked over to the small table besides the chairs. He took his cup in his hand, emptied it in one move before bringing his eyes back to Anne, who was still standing by the window and looking at the letter in her hands.

“Will you promise me to write him?”, he asked but Anne only shook her head.  
“I can’t promise it, Francis. But I will try.”, she answered and slowly walked over to where he was standing. He took one of her hands in his and brought it to his mouth, placing a light kiss on her knuckles.

“Goodbye, my dear friend.”, he said and smiled lightly at Anne before he left her chamber, leaving a hopeless Anne behind and making his way back to London.

_London, July 1488_

Richard stood by the window, his thoughts on Francis who he thought should be back by the end of the week. He was almost sure that Francis had already seen Anne and a touch of jealousy filled his mind, for his friend was able to see her and he was hold back in London.

How Richard wished he could see her. Even for just one second. He wanted to see her angelic face, look into the deep blue of her eyes and maybe, with a bit of luck, see the light smile and blush on her face, he’d loved so much.

“Richard?”, her voice interrupted his day dream like a sharp knife. Slowly turning around he faced Elizabeth.

“What is it?”, he asked but couldn’t help to sound annoyed by her presence. 

Richard noticed the uneasiness Elizabeth felt. She was looking down for a moment before she brought her eyes back to his.

“I...I just wanted to ask you something.”, she slowly said with her voice low and after Richard gave a slight nod she closed the door behind her, so they could talk in private.

“Richard, is there something I am doing wrong?”, she asked and Richard could see the fear in her face. He knew that this was going to come sooner or later. His absence of her bedchamber was not unnoticed by the people and he was sure that rumors were already circulating and reaching Elizabeth’s ears.

“No, Elizabeth. You’ve done nothing wrong.”, he slowly replied and took a deep breath as she started to walk towards him with slowly steps.

“No?”, she asked and Richard nodded. A light smile played around her lips as relief filled her body and she closed her eyes for one moment before looking back at him.

“Then why aren’t you…”, she started but stopped. For Richard it was not needed that she ended her question. He knew well what she wanted to know and he hated himself for what he was about to tell her.

“You need to give me time.”, he answered and Elizabeth nodded lightly. Of course she would understand what he meant. She realized it the moment Anne went away from court, the moment she left.

“I’m not her.”, she whispered more to herself but clear for Richard to hear who remained silent. There would be no words who could ease her pain now.

Elizabeth took Richard’s silent as confirmation, her eyes filling with tears. Richard turned away from her, looked out of the window again. In the reflection of the glass he saw how Elizabeth left the room.

At the end of the week Richard was in his private chambers. The sky was already darkening and on the table was already one empty bottle of wine.  
Francis stood by the fireplace, observing Richard and he clearly didn’t like what he saw. As soon as Francis told him that Anne didn’t send a letter with him, nor did she promise to write one soon, Richard had immediately asked for the wine to be brought to his chambers.

The hours had passed and Francis remained in silent with his friend. At one point he wanted to laugh out loud because he couldn’t remember Richard showing such a behavior in the past. Richard was always the one who had looked at his brother George with obscurity at his drinking and now he was the one who wasn’t able to get to bed sober.

As Richard finally had finished the second bottle, Francis went to his side and helped him up. He was glad that Richard changed the place of the drinking into his bedchamber. With that Francis didn’t need to carry him around the castle.

As Francis made his way to bring Richard to bed, he stopped him and pointed to the door.  
“Bring me downstairs.”, Richard only said and Francis was a little surprise to found his voice clear and steady. He followed Richard’s gaze and looked at him with disbelief.

“Richard, you can’t be serious.”, Francis said as he realized what Richard’s intentions were.

“Bring me to downstairs.”, Richard repeated but Francis took the direction to the bed.

“I think it’s better you’ll sleep now and tomorrow you can think of your intentions when your mind is not clouded.”, Francis replied but Richard stopped him again.

“Bring me to her!”, he shouted and Francis looked at him, shaking his face lightly. Taking a deep breath he helped Richard down the stairs to Elizabeth’s chambers.

Francis watched as Richard stumbled into the room and closed the door after he’d entered the room.  
He sent a silent prayer to God, hoping that this misery would end soon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all the comments and kudos! You guys are the greatest! Really!! Thank you, thank you, thank you :)

Chapter 5

_London, August 1988_

Richard couldn’t remember if he’d felt anytime as near as going crazy like he did now. The sun was still shining outside but he already felt the need to shut his mind down with the help of his new best friend: Wine. It was almost laughable. He could handle a battle, a war but not Anne’s leaving. She was still haunting him, day and night, and probably would for the rest of his life, a life that made absolutely no sense anymore.

Sometimes he wondered if he could have stopped her. If probably, he could have prevented it in the first place. For him, Anne was always the stronger one and he thought she would stand above all the treason and accusations, he thought she would not listen to the rumors about him and Elizabeth and yet it seemed that exactly those broke her down, even more than the death of their beloved son Edward did.

With a bitter laugh he realized how wrong he was. 

Anne was gone, left him and he was married to Elizabeth, now. A marriage he couldn’t identify himself with. Elizabeth, his niece, who he could not love like he loved Anne.  
He didn’t hate Elizabeth, no. Elizabeth was his niece, the daughter of his beloved brother and she reminded him more of Edward every single day. 

He clenched his hand into a fist, forgetting the letter in his hand who made a crunching noise. Instantly he opened his hand again and looked at the letter. His eyes scanned the written words again, the familiar handwriting he thought he would never been able to see again. He read the sentence that suppressed the desire of wine.

_Worrying news reached me and I beseech you to restrain yourself…_

“Richard?”

He spun around, startled to see Elizabeth standing in his chamber. He didn’t notice her coming in. She was giving him a light smile.

“I’m sorry to disturb you but you didn’t answer to my knock.”, she said shyly.  
“I need to talk to you.”, she added then with more confident in her voice.

Richard nodded lightly and pointed at the seat in front of him. Smiling again, Elizabeth walked over and sat down.

He was watching Elizabeth and noticed that she was probably searching for the right words.  
“What is it?”, he asked and was suddenly taken with curiosity. He knew Elizabeth quite well by now and normally she would know what she wanted and how to ask for it.

Elizabeth nodded and took a deep breath, knowing that this might be one of the most difficult conversations she’d had in her life so far.

“I hope that you’ll forgive my boldness for telling you this but I think we both need to be realistic.”, she started and looked at him. When he remained silent she continued: “Richard, this...marriage...we both know that it’s not going to...work. I can see that you’re not happy and honestly I don’t know if this is what I imagined it to be.” Elizabeth took another deep breath while Richard continued to only watch her.  
“You’re my uncle, Richard. You were never supposed to be my husband.”, she whispered in addition.

“I know.”, Richard replied not know what he should say more.

Elizabeth looked at the letter in Richard’s hand and noticed how he clinched on it.

“Did you receive bad news?”, she asked then and was surprised as Richard handed the letter over to her.  
She took it and gave Richard one last questioning look before she started to read:

_My dearest Richard,_

_please forgive my late answer but I was struggling with the idea of writing to you for I don’t find it very enlightening concept to keep in contact, for both of our sakes._   
_But now worrying news reached me and I beseech you to restrain yourself. Not only for yourself but also for your country! You’re King, Richard!_   
_If you won’t do it for yourself or for your people then do it for me! Show me that all this pain I endured was not worthless._

_Please._

_Your cousin,  
Lady Anne Neville_

Elizabeth looked at Richard, not able to hide her smile.  
“Isn’t it what you wanted? That she wrote back to you?”, she asked him.

“How do you know?”, he asked because Richard couldn’t remember telling her something of his letters to Anne.

“Well there’s court gossip going around, my lord uncle. Besides that, it wasn’t really hard to guess, regarding your behavior since she’d left.”, Elizabeth laughed and looked again at the letter.  
“She’s right, you know? You should really start to move on.”, she slowly added and raised her eyebrows in question as she saw Richard’s unpleasant expression.

“I can’t move on, Elizabeth. She’s always in my mind and I can’t get her out. I miss her...terribly.”, Richard replied and Elizabeth saw the hurt in his eyes and she realized what she already knew before but was too blind to understand. Suddenly she felt like a fool for thinking that Richard could love her like he would love Anne.

“Well, then I seriously ask myself what you’re still doing here.”, she said and placed the letter aside.

“What are you talking about?”, Richard asked confused, not being able to understand her thinking.

“I ask what you’re still doing here, Richard. Go to her.”, Elizabeth replied with a laugh.

Richard looked at her dumbfounded.

“You know I can’t go to her. She won’t like to see me. Anne left me and chose to life the rest of her life without me.”, he said and shook his head.  
“It’s not that easy.”, he added.

Elizabeth laughed again.  
“Seriously, Richard, I don’t think she will refuse to see you and actually, yes, it is that simply. The only thing that makes it complicated is your pride! You have two options now, stay and ruin yourself or put your pride aside and fight.”

Richard looked at her, startled. For one moment he wondered how it came that he was discussing this with Elizabeth. He couldn’t discuss Anne with Francis but why with her?  
But the more he thought about it, the more he had to realize that she was right. He needed to talk to Anne, needed to see her.

His look went back to Elizabeth and he smiled at her. It was probably the first time she got from him since they were married. 

“Thank you.”, he whispered and got up to prepare everything.

Just when he was about to leave the room, Elizabeth stopped him.  
“Richard? Can I ask you a question?”, she asked and he turned around to look at her.  
“Of course.”, he answered.

“I told you that there are rumors around court and one of them is, that we didn’t have a papal dispensation. I don’t doubt that this rumor is true but did you even ask for one?”, she asked and Richard looked at her for some moments. She deserved the truth, even if it hurt. He slowly shook his head. “No.”, he answered and Elizabeth nodded. “Thank you for being honest.”, she said and Richard looked one last time at her before he finally left the room.

_Bisham Abbey, August 1488_

Anne was sitting by the window in her chambers and enjoyed the the sunlight on her face. Her eyes were closed and her mind empty. It was a real recovery not having thoughts on Richard, since she had those quite enough the past weeks.

When Elizabeth’s letter arrived she found herself startled, not believing what on earth would bring Elizabeth to write to her but when she’d read the letter she couldn’t help but be deeply worried for Richard.

Richard was never a type who used to drink much but that was exactly what Elizabeth did write to her. The thought of Richard, loosing himself brought to Anne many sleepless nights before she decided that she needed to give in, that she needed to be strong, for them both, again. So she wrote him and pleaded him to find reason.

A sight escaped her lips as she heard the knock on her door and with a sadness, that the quiet time was over, she got up from her chair and waited until the door was opened.

“My lady, you have a guest.”, the nun said and before Anne could reply she heard the footsteps. She knew her visitor before she even saw his face. 

For several moments Anne could only look at him, notice how old he looked before she remembered where and who she was and who he was.

She closed her eyes and curtsied.  
“Your grace.”, she murmured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I was writing this chapter I realized that I wanted Elizabeth to realize that falling in love with Richard was nothing but stupid.  
> I wanted her to realize that she would never be for him what Anne was/is and my goal for this story will be Elizabeth getting quite well with both of them, like it was supposed to be!
> 
> Hope you like it :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for not updating earlier :)  
> Thank you all for the comments and kudos! You're wonderful! :)

Chapter 6

Anne and Richard were alone in the room, facing each other for some minutes but neither of them spoke a word yet.

Noticing his tired expression, Anne wondered what he’d been through. She wondered if her leaving really did cause this expression on his face. She was still sure that it was the right thing to do. They weren’t the Duke and Duchess of Gloucester anymore, who lived a happy life in Middleham with their only son.   
She remembered how Richard had said that it didn’t matter to him how many children they had, as long as he had her and his honor he would be fine.  
During her last weeks in London she wondered if he still felt like that. She knew she could have simply asked him but she feared that his answer would also change her mind. He was King now and she knew that he needed an heir. Everything changed when they took he throne and not for the first time Anne wished she could go back in time and make everything different. She would probably try to talk to Elizabeth and to make her understand that Richard was not her enemy. The princes would have lived and they could still be in Middleham and maybe even their Ned would still live with them.

Standing here and staring at Richard made her also understand that, no matter what happened, no matter what they’d said, she still loved him. By all the strength she had she couldn’t deny it but she had to.

Richard observed Anne, took in every glance she made, every breath. He tried to burn the images into his mind, not knowing if he would ever see her again after today. When he left London everything seemed so easy, the coming here, the talking her to come back with him. Now, standing in front of her, everything seemed far from easy, it gave him the impression that it was almost impossible.

One of the first things he’d noticed was how well she looked. Richard knew he must look like a lost cause but Anne looked fresh, healthy and way too beautiful. He tried to remember when was the last time he’d seen her like this and thought that the only time she seemed so well was when they were living in Middleham, many years ago, before his brother Edward died and they were able to live their own, happy life with their Ned.

Remembering how Anne had looked while she was still in London shocked him. He knew that back then she didn’t look all too healthy but now he saw how bad she really seemed and he cursed himself for not realizing it either. 

Another thing he realized now was, that she wouldn’t start to speak so he should.

“I hope you are as well as you look?”, he asked and his own voice sounded like a stranger to him. 

Anne nodded slowly, bringing herself to smile a little bit.

“Yes, I am. Thank you for asking, your grace.”, she answered and looked down.

“Don’t call me your grace, Anne”, she heard him say and brought her gaze back to him. They looked at each other for several moments and even if Anne thought to knew the reason he was here, she needed to hear it.

“Why are you here, Richard?”, she asked, her voice not more than a whisper.

“To take you back with me.”, he murmured and Richard found himself relieved that those words were finally out.  
“I shouldn’t have let you go in the first place.”, he added and studied Anne’s expression.

She knew that he would come sooner or later. Deep down she knew that Richard would come and a part of her was so very glad about it but the other part scared her. This was not what she wanted in the first place, despite her heart aching for him. 

Anne slowly shook her head, “Richard, don’t.”, she murmured and looked down again, taking a deep breath before continuing, “You know I cannot come back. It’s too late and you’re married so how do you think this should work?”

Richard took some steps towards her, he didn’t expect her to come with him willingly but he’d hoped for it.  
“Forget the marriage. I will manage it.”, he said as he finally stood directly in front of her.

Anne looked at him perplexed, “You’ll manage it? Richard you’re married with Elizabeth, she’s not some problem you can get rid off.”.

“I know and that’s not what I meant, Anne. Elizabeth knows that I don’t have feelings for her and she realized that this marriage is not what she expected.  
All I need is a word for you and you can trust me that I won’t be married for much longer.”, Richard explained.

“Richard, it’s clearly not as simple as you’re trying to say…”, Anne started but was interrupted by Richard, “Anne, I don’t care if it’s simple or not and I will do whatever I must to have you back.”.  
Anne didn’t notice how close they were standing and by now she was looking up at him, closing her eyes as she felt his hand resting on her cheek. “Richard…”, she murmured before she felt his lips on hers. 

The kiss was barely real at first, light as a feather but it was enough to set Anne on fire. She pressed her lips against his and tangled her hand in his hair. Richard moaned against her lips, bringing his arms around her and pulling her closer to him as the kiss got more passionate.

Soon his hands started to roam over her body, leaving Anne burning with desire. It was too long since they’d shared such intimacy and Anne couldn’t help but miss his affection.

She closed her eyes while his lips caressed her skin on her neck. What a fool she was to think that she could keep him away from her, to think that she would forget him. Richard was her one true love, her knight in shining amour. He always found his way back to her, no matter where they had been in life.

As his fingers started to unlace her dress she suddenly parted from him, pushing him away.

“Richard, don’t.”, she murmured breathlessly.

“Anne…”, he murmured but she only shook her head.

“No, I can’t...we can’t.”, she whispered and looked down. Closing her eyes she took another deep breath.

“I think you should go.”, she said after some moments without looking up. She needed to be strong. She would not commit adultery. Not her, not with him and for sure not at this place.

“Come with me.”, he said a took a step towards her. Anne automatically went one step back, finally bringing her gaze to him.

“Richard, no. This is not going to happen and you know it. My place is here now, not in London. You’re the King and you need a wife and an heir. I can’t give you heirs and I can’t be your wife anymore so I think it’s better you go now before we both will do something that is reckless.” she answered, feeling her mouth suddenly been dry. “And I think it would be the best if you don’t come again. It will only make everything harder...for both of us.”, Anne added.

Richard stared at Anne for some moments, not believing what just happened.  
“Anne, I need you with me. I can’t be King without you.”, he spoke and took another step towards her, relieved as she didn’t back away this time.

He realized that Anne wouldn’t come back with him, at least not today but he won’t give up. Pressing another kiss onto her lips he let go of her and turned around, making his way out of her chamber.

Before he reached the door he stopped and turned around.  
“I’m sorry if I scandalized you earlier, believe me it was not my intention to make you feel that way but be assured that I won’t give up, Anne. I love you and I will spend the rest of my life fighting to have you back.”

With that he left, leaving Anne alone in her chamber. 

This wasn’t going the way she thought. She knew it wouldn’t be easy, knew he would fight but she didn’t thought herself being so unresisting in his presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will have a little time jump :)


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_Middleham, March 1489_

The months seemed to fly and Anne was enjoying the still cold weather in Middleham. To say that she was glad being back in Middleham would have been an understatement. As she received Richard’s letter, offering her to live in Middleham she was overjoyed that she didn’t realize she was crying.

When she arrived in Middleham she was relieved to see all the old faces again, especially her mother who welcomed her back with a warm, motherly hug and to her surprise Richard had send their niece Margaret to live with her. Margaret’s brother would visit them since he was living in Wales.

Richard had visited her another two times while she was still living in Bisham Abbey and always brought presents for her, mostly jewelry and books. He was courting her and Anne couldn’t help but enjoy it, though she managed to keep a distance to him. 

She wasn’t surprised to receive Richard’s letter after the christmas festivities, writing her that he planned a visit to Middleham. Despite her better judgement she couldn’t help but be happy about this visit. Her surprise was not low when she saw that he brought Elizabeth with him.

Af first Anne didn’t know what think of this but soon she could see that the relationship between those two was nothing like the one of a married couple. Elizabeth admired him as an uncle and he admired her as a niece. Just like it should be.

Anne remembered the afternoon before they left for London and Elizabeth had paid her a visit to talk. 

Anne curtsied when Elizabeth had entered her chamber.  
“Your grace.”, she murmured. 

Elizabeth walked over to her, helping her up.  
“You don’t have to courtesy, I’m not the Queen! You are.”, she whispered and Anne had looked at her with wide eyes.

“I’m not Queen anymore, you know that.”, she’d said and Elizabeth had smiled at her. “For me and for a lot of other people you’d always be Queen.”

At first Anne felt uneasy talking to Elizabeth but soon she was fascinated by the young woman that was not standing in front of her. Nothing reminded Anne of the Elizabeth that had come to court some years earlier. Anne gave the promise to write to her and Elizabeth promised to take care of Richard. 

Suddenly Anne found herself awaiting Richard’s letters and mostly she would ask the messenger to stay until she’d written the answer. At some nights Anne found herself regretting what she’d done and it didn’t take long until she started to dream of being with Richard again. When she awoke from those dreams she felt herself restless, wishing that she would never wake up.

The Countess observed her daughter. She noticed that some days Anne felt restless. At first those days were only a few but now it happened recently. It didn’t take long for Anne’s mother to realize that her daughter regretted what she’d done.

“It’s not an easy life with regretted choices.”, the Countess said one day and Anne looked up from her needlework.

“What do you mean?”, Anne asked and her mother smiled, not stopping with her own work.

“I come to read your face, Anne.”, she started and with a sight she put her work away.  
“When Richard was here you seemed full of live. After he’d left you were restless, powerless but then it got better despite for some single days. But now those single days are showing more often and I fear for you, my daughter.”

Anne looked at her mother, thinking a moment before she answered:  
“Just because I left him, doesn’t mean I didn’t love him, mother.”, she murmured and looked down at the stitches on the linen.  
“I left him because I love him. He’s King and he needs heirs, something I failed giving him.”, Anne added.

“I thought Richard was glad as long as he had you and his own honor?”, the Countess asked.

“That was before, mother. You know as a King he cannot allow himself to think like that.”, Anne said and finally brought her gaze back to her mother.

“Did he tell you so?”, her mother asked further.

“No...and he never would have. I know that.”, Anne murmured.

“Then why didn’t you believe him? I know that he’s King and that normally a King needs heirs but Richard showed nothing but love towards you and believe it or not but there really are men on this world who do care more about the wife then about male heirs!”, the Countess said with a smile.

Anne looked at her mother questioningly.  
“Are you talking about father?”, she finally asked and the Countess nodded.

“Will you believe me if I tell you that your father was not disappointed one day that he had two daughters? He told me every single day.”, the older woman said and observed the bitter expression on her daughters face. She took a deep breath before she continued: “I know that you think he should not have married you to Edward of Lancaster but back then he needed to do what was the best for his family, including his daughters. He didn’t like the idea marrying you to Edward, of that you can be sure. He would have preferred you were to marry Richard, like it was planned but you know that back then, King Edward didn’t give his permission for it.”

“And this should made me feel better?”, Anne asked bitter.

“Of course not, Anne.”, the Countess replied.  
“I just don’t want you to live the rest of your life regretting what you did. I regret that I went into sanctuary when you father died and look at me now. I’m imprisoned. I’m in Middleham, yes but for the rest of the world I’m dead. I don’t want you to have the same fate, my daughter. This is not the life your father had chosen for you.”, she added and started her needlework again, knowing she’d given her daughter a lot to think about.

“I received a letter from Richard today. He’s coming again and will be here by the end of the week.”, Anne murmured and looked at her mother who only gave her a smile. 

Anne placed her needlework aside and stood up.  
“I will go for a walk outside. I need some fresh air.”, she murmured before she left the chamber and made her way outside.

The cold wind made Anne shiver and she looked up in to the sky. It seemed like it would snow and hoped it may not be so. She knew that Richard was on his way to Middleham and she didn’t feel comfortable knowing he was fighting his way through snow. 

Anne had thought a lot about what her mother said and by now she was sure she regretting leaving him. She still tried to convince herself that it was the best choice but her inner voice was not as determined as it was a year ago. She knew that Richard was coming because he wanted to talk and honestly she couldn’t deny wanting to clear her thoughts, too. But what was there to discuss? She left him, they were divorced and he was married to Elizabeth. Even if he still loved her there was no future, unless Anne would admit herself to adultery and that was something she didn’t even want to think about. 

When she felt the first raindrops on her skin she slowly walked back into the castle.

During the night the rain went over to snow and by the end of the next day they were already snowed in. 

It was already the end of the week when Anne looked outside the window. Everything was covered with a think layer of snow and she wondered where Richard might be. She hoped that he stayed at an inn until it was easier to ride.

Anne was surprised as an errand boy arrived later to say that the King was supposed to arrive later this evening. She looked at her mother before ordering that the rooms should be prepared and food should be brought to the rooms. 

Later Anne found herself standing in front of Richard’s chamber. She looked at the door and quarreled with herself if she should go in. The hour was already late so it would have been the best to just go sleeping but she hadn’t seen Richard when he’d arrived and she longed to see him.

She softly knocked on the door before opening it.  
Richard stood by the fireplace, a glass of wine in his hands. He’d already dismissed everyone and took off his doublet, wearing only his shirt and breeches.

When the door opened he looked around and smile as he saw that it was Anne who came. 

“I thought you already asleep.”, he murmured and walked over to her.  
“I needed to see you before.”, Anne answered with a smile and placed her hands on his chest.  
“You should have stayed in an inn until the weather got better.”, she murmured and let her hands sink. Touching him was definitely not the best of ideas.

“I don’t think I could have been another day without knowing being near you.”, he murmured and Anne looked up at him.  
“You should not say that, Richard.”, she whispered.  
“Even if it is the truth?”, he asked and brought her chin up as she looked down again.

Anne was looking at him with wide eyes. Her mind was racing with everything her mother had said, with her feelings being all over the place and with the dreams tormenting her.

“Anne?”, Richard asked and Anne could see his eyes linger on her lips. A small voice in her head was trying to tell her that this was the wrong way. That what she was about to do was wrong but she didn’t give it any attention.  
She was tired of doing the right thing, of waiting, of being alone and most of all she was tired of only dreaming. 

“I should have never left you.”, she whispered and tears were forming in her eyes.

Richard cupped her face, looking at her he could not believe what he’d just heard.

“Then don’t do it ever again.”, he murmured before leaning down and capturing her lips with his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like the new chapter!  
> I know adultery is not something everyone of you would have brought in common with Anne and believe that I thought about this a lot but for me this seems to be a good way :)
> 
> Another thing I want to point out:  
> I know that Margaret would have been already married but since Henry Tudor died in the battle there won't be a marriage to Pole for Margaret in this fic!  
> Edward is still Richard's heir.
> 
> Thank you all for your comments and kudos!

**Author's Note:**

> Critisism and advice are always welcome :)  
> In the next chapter you'll find out more about Richard and what he thought since this chapter was more or less in Anne's POV.


End file.
